Goodbye, Farewell, So Long
3037 words by Krystal Russell
I am reminded of a great song that say\’s all though we\’ve come to the end of the road still I can\’t let go. It is a nice song but it definitely does not apply here. I am ready to let go now. I do not want to hold on any longer. Five, four, three, two, my time is up. Happily I close the door to another section of my college career. I learn from everything and from every state that I am in. I can say that I have learned from this situation as well. I already have one foot out of the door. I feel that finishing this class with a good grade is a wonderful accomplishment. I know that many people feel that just finishing this class is a great accomplishment within itself. I agree. This is a hard class. I know that most theology classes are tough at Xavier, but I think that I got the cream of the crop, so to speak. Many people have fallen and dropped this course, but we have stuck it out until the end and I find that to be commendable. I know that in the beginning I really did not know what to expect from this class and I was kind-of worried when I read the syllabus. I saw all of the expectations right in front of me and I was not sure that I could meet them. I know that I did want to do my very best in everything and I still do. It has been so long and hard to fulfill my duties. I have come thus far and I will not turn around now. To be honest at times I felt like quitting and giving up but I did not. We all did not. As a matter of fact I think we accomplished more than just staying in this class, we accomplished a real foal of striving for the hard road and the road less traveled. I think that through it all we will get the benefits from it. Only God knows our struggles.
Now, to these blogs. Wow, where can I start? Through this entire semester i have been pretty good with keeping up with my blogs. I have done a lot of research on various subjects. My project is coming along well. I just recently found out that we have a HIV awareness group. There are posters everywhere. I want to get involved but it is for minority pharmacy student. Although I am a minority I am not a pharmacy student. I still want to volunteer my services where ever I am needed. If they turn me down then oh, well. Before I forget there is an event of December 1, 2004 in the University Center about AIDS. I think that it is going to be very informative. I encourage people to go and support this group. They will be raffling off a gift certificate from the gap. Please go and ask as many questions as you would like. Okay now back to the ranch. The hastle of trying to get two thousand words in every week by midnight Saturday was hard. I can not believe that I even did it. There were some times where I did not get my blog in on time. I would be scrambling tyring to get things done. I hate procrastination. That is why I detested when I was behind. I think that I was only behind a lot was about one time. I did catch up though. I am sorry that I did not look on the blog site last week. If I would have looked i would have found out that I had another blog due on Saturday. After doing my last blog I thought that I did not have another blog due this week. I thought that Dr. Homan just gave us a break. I felt very relieved until something told me to look at the blog site on Monday morning. When I checked low and behold there it was, another blog waiting just for me. That made me frantic and i was upset with myself for not checking thoroughly.
This weeks blog deals with our grade for blogging. i think that my grade should be either and A or a B. I think that I deserve this grade. My midterm grade was a B. I think that I have grown since then. My blogging and writing skills period have improved. i know that at times I was behind, but I think that I caught up pretty quickly. I do believe that my grammar is good and I stayed with the subject for the most part. i am not saying that my work ethic was entirely professional, but it was good. I do not like average and I do not go for average work. Therefore, a C to me is average and I think that I did better than C work. As far as grammar and speech etiquette I think that I did a good job. i do find out that many times I am typing so fast that I misspell words and use words in the wrong context. That is why I like to go over and check after I am done. I think it is beneficial to read and reread your work. I love read other people blogs. Most times it gives me an idea of what I can do with mine and how I can improve on them. Some people are better at things than others. i know and can clearly see that some people can do this blogging than better than others can. I still think that I have done a good job. But, on those days when I feel like I can not write or even think of another word, I just look at what other people write and get inspired somehow. I know that if anybody has had writers block you know how it feels. It is a horrible and frustrating feeling. You just feel like screaming!! I can recall the countless nights that I have spent working on these blogs. Most times I have to start early to make myself feel relieved. It also gives me an incentive to finish what I started. I can breathe because I know that it is almost over. Sorry, I did not mean to sound so critical. I think that I have stayed on the topics for the most part. I have put useful information and websites that people can go to get encouragement and information about HIV/AIDS. I really believe that what I said to people made them think twice about what they are doing. Life is short. I hope that the people I passed out pathlets to read them and did not just lay them down. I am excited about spreading the news. I am sincere about making a change in people lives. We must change our way of thinking and help those who do not know. That is my goal and task. I look forward to accomplishing this goal. I recently did my paper on fiminists criticism for this class. I really was searching to find out what people that beauty was and how to obtain it. I would like to let you ladies know the positive way to obtain beauty and how to be happy with yourself. I received this information from a website.
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A successful fashion model discusses the pitfalls of building a life on physical appearance rather than inner beauty.
By Laura Krauss Calenberg
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Being on the covers of top European fashion magazines was no longer a dream for me but reality. I could hardly believe it! All I ever wanted was to be in magazines, earn lots of money, and travel all over the world. The struggle to make ends meet was finally over. Now I could wine and dine in Paris, my new home, and toast fame and fortune. After all, isn\’t that what life is all about?
Focus on Physical Appearance
What is your idea of beauty? What would you change about yourself if you could? When I began my career with Christian Dior in Paris at age 19, my idea of beauty was what others thought about me. If people approved of me and wanted to book me for a modeling job, then I concluded that I must be pretty. My logic was that if I was successful and working then I must be beautiful. It was a dangerous thought-pattern because I was placing my self-esteem in the hands of others and what they thought about me.
Another way that I determined beauty was by association. I was working with some of the most beautiful women in the world who were appearing in the most popular magazines. Since they were my friends and peers, then I thought, surely I\’m just as beautiful.
Another way I assured myself was by the men I attracted. Since I had lots of handsome, intelligent, successful men pursuing me, I thought I was beautiful. I was popular and had a lot of friends, too. And as my success grew and people recognized me, it was very easy to get invited to all kinds of parties and go wherever I wanted. So I must be beautiful if I have all these friends and get to go to all these places.
As a result, I became an egotistical, self-centered person living a very self-centered life. Most of my time was spent on me and being concerned about myself. \”Me,\” \”myself\” and \”I\” were my three favorite words. My entire life was focused on my physical appearance… my weight and my hair and my clothing and my overall attractiveness.
I once was on a two-month modeling job in Japan. Every day people were assigned to do everything for me, even tie my shoes. When I got dressed, there was someone to hold my dress and coat. They had three people to do one person\’s job. It all fed my self-centeredness and feeling of self-importance.
Pitfalls of Physical Appearance
I also became a workaholic. I worked seven days a week because I knew nothing was guaranteed–I could be out of work the next day. My looks could be gone anytime, so I had to take every job. I would work in Germany during the day and then fly to Paris in the evening to work and then go back to Germany in the morning. I was afraid of losing it all and had to hold on to it at any cost. So I would take any and every job I could.
The result was that I became exhausted and sick. I fainted one day in the middle of a shoot and injured my knee. I was laid up in bed for the first time in my career. Not being able to work was the most frightening experience I\’d ever had, because even if it was for only two weeks it meant I was missing all the pret-a-porter (fashion shows) that I\’d just been fitted for. I had to cancel fourteen shows. I was crushed.
But one day as I lay there bedridden and unable to work, I began to reflect on my life and question my values and ideas about beauty and what kind of person I had become within.
I realized that my views of beauty were inadequate. I knew for example, that my looks were going to change. My covers and my \”tear sheets\” (my pictures that I tear out of magazines) became out-of-date very quickly. I had worked so hard to get those photos in magazines and my agency wanted to take them out of my portfolio within six months because everything was out of style! I was constantly trying to keep up.
I also discovered that making a lot of money at a young age was great, but I found that the responsibility of managing it was overwhelming. It also made me question why people were really attracted to me. If I looked different or did something different or had less money, would my boyfriend still love me for who I am?
All these questions and doubts were hitting me when I was still at the peak of my career. I realized the shallowness of it all and began to feel very empty inside. After acquiring all I thought I wanted, I realized something was still missing. All the success and attention I received didn\’t fill the emptiness I felt deep within.
What had happened? Where were my priorities? Who or what was I living for?
Insecurity of Physical Appearance
It occurred to me that I had been building my life on things that weren\’t secure. It was built on what the culture thought or my boyfriend thought or how much money I made or how popular I was. I realized I was building my life on sand.
I reflected back to a time in Indiana where I grew up when a significant event had taken place in my life. \”Searching for love in all the wrong places,\” as the song goes, actually did me some good when a classmate invited me to a concert at her church. I accepted because half of the teen group were boys, and the church was very large, so I knew this could be fun.
But I had believed there was no need for God in my life. What was the point? My parents were in the midst of a divorce. Their faith wasn\’t helping them.
But, while at the concert, in addition to the music, I heard a message that touched me. At the close of the concert the musicians told us they had some good news to share. I thought they were going to tell us about their first record deal or something. But the news they were talking about turned out to be that God loves us.
They talked about a relationship with God through Jesus Christ. They described how God loved me unconditionally and that because of that He sent His only Son to die on the cross for my sins. Wow, I thought, an unconditional love relationship! I had no trouble admitting that I had done wrong things in my life, that I hadn\’t measured up to what God wanted me to be. The musicians explained that I didn\’t have to earn God\’s favor. I could just receive God\’s gift of love and forgiveness through Jesus Christ.
That night I prayed a short prayer asking Christ to forgive me and change me. I told Him that I would live for Him and serve Him with my life. I invited Him to come into my life to begin a relationship with me.
So there I sat in Paris years later, reflecting on that special event, wondering how I got to such a point in my life where life had lost its true meaning. I realized that I had neglected my relationship with God and chosen my own direction. No wonder I felt so empty! So, I asked God to forgive me for living for myself and the approval of others. And I said to Him: \”Please change me and show me what real beauty is.\”
The first thing that God showed me was the danger of vanity. I had struggled with that for a long time. In America, $20 billion is spent annually on cosmetics; $300 million on cosmetic surgery; $33 billion on dietary products. This illustrates how much time and money we spend on our physical appearance. Vanity is not beautiful.
Related to that was my habit of comparing myself with the looks of other women. Jealousy is another problem I\’ve had to work on. I\’ve had to learn to be secure in who and what I am and how God has made me, knowing that He loves me no matter what I look like or how I act.
Insecurity is not beautiful. It makes it difficult to have and be a friend. And you put a lot of expectations on others to compliment you and make you feel good.
Definition of Beauty - True Beauty
What is beauty? It is not physical appearance. It\’s what\’s found inside, what\’s in your heart. Humility is beautiful, although it\’s not popular in my business. Security and self-esteem are beautiful. And knowing God personally brings beauty, because knowing He loves you and accepts you brings security and self-esteem to your life. That enables you to be free to accept and love yourself and your shortcomings.
Without Christ\’s forgiveness, our sin makes us ugly on the inside. We\’re not at peace. All the \”cover-up\” remedies in the world can\’t change that. God sees it and others will see it too. Only Christ can make us beautiful in God\’s sight. True inner beauty begins with God at the center of our lives and grows outward.
I can tell you that Jesus Christ has changed my life, and I will never regret the decision I made to follow Him. Why not ask Christ to come into your life? Jesus says, \”Behold, I stand at the door and knock; if any one hears my voice and opens the door I will come in to him\” (Revelation 3:20).
You can receive Christ right now by faith through prayer. God knows your heart and is not so concerned with your words as He is with the attitude of your heart. Here is a prayer like the one I prayed that might express the desire of your heart…
Lord Jesus, I need You. Thank You for dying on the cross for my sins. I open the door of my life and receive You as my Savior and Lord. Thank You for forgiving my sins and giving me eternal life. Take control of my life and make me the person You want me to be
For more inspiration please see http://everstudent.com/features/beauty.html