Tanak: Introduction

You take a T that's "ta"
and an NK "nak"
put 'em all together
and they spell Tanak.

Hello there. It is I, your furry loveable friend Grover here, and today I'm going to use these 3 peanut butter and jelly sandwiches to teach you about the 39 books of the Tanak. So friends, I invited some special buddies to present these yummy sandwiches.

GRRRRRR... Listen up, chump! The T in Tanak stands for Torah! Torah means law! Don't give me no back talk, sucka! There are five books in the Torah, fool! Don't make me mad! Genesis is the first book, and it's the story of creation through the patriarchs. I pity the fool who doesn't know about Genesis! Genesis is followed by four books about Moses and the Law, called Exodus, Leviticus, Numbers and Deuteronomy. Now stop your jibber jabber!

N stands for Norris, but it also stands for Neviim, the Hebrew word for prophets. This section of the Bible consists of the books of the Former Prophets and they are Joshua, Judges, Samuel, and Kings. The Neviim part also includes the Latter Prophets, consisting of the prophets Isaiah, Jeremiah, and Ezekiel, plus the 12 Minor Prophets.

Now here is my right leg, and though it could easily round-house-kick-to-the-face you if it wanted, I told it to behave.

This is the third part of Tanak, the K for Ketuvim section. K can also stand for kosher, but I'm afraid these peanut butter and jelly sandwiches are as treyf as Kathy Lee Gifford. You see, Ketuvim is a Hebrew word meaning writings. These books include poetry such as Psalms and Proverbs, stories such as Ruth and Daniel, as well as histories like Chronicles and Nehemiah.

And by the way, you are lucky that Chuck Norris has decided to let you live, for now.

Like what's the dealio, furry blue Grover monster?

I appear twice in Tanak. Don't I get to stand for anything?

Oh I am soooo sorry Mr. A! The BibleDudes warned me that you would be showing up but they said to tell you that they are prejudiced against vowels. They said that you should go back to Wheel of Fortune where you just might count for something. And now I'm going to ask Snuffalupogus to kill you slowly with this peanut butter and jelly sandwich!

Oh come on, can we please stop this ridiculous nonsense. Why wasn't I notified about the above material?

Tanak is just three letters (TNK) because the Hebrew alphabet consists for the most part of consonants. The original Hebrew Bible was written with consonants, and the vowels were added much later by the Masoretes.

You wanna piece of me, tough guy?

I'll have you spitting out your teeth faster than you can say Shibboleth!

Woooo, easy Chuck Norris' leg. Like put it back in the holster cowboy. I'm sorry Jeff, I just wanted to introduce my like favoritest books in the whole wide world, the Hebrew Bible, aka Tanak, aka Jewish Bible, aka Old Testament, aka 39 Scrolls o'Fun.

Darlings, the Hebrew Bible is simply amazing. And you see that stela over there on your left? One day soon you'll be able to click on each of the 39 books of the Hebrew Bible and read about it in more detail. Oh what a happy day that will be.

Yeah, we'll explain where the Garden of Eden is located, what the 10 Commandments mean, what happened to the 10 lost tribes, why Isaiah ran around naked for 3 years, and we'll explore the most important date in the Bible, 586 BCE.

For now, though, we summed up the whole story of the Hebrew Bible in the following movie called The BibleDudes' Like Way Cool Tanak Summary Movie Thingie.